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[personal profile] promeny
Still not drinking. Everyone is a bit surprised by that. I'm not surprised myself anymore; I've had odd thoughts about alcohol on rare occasion, but no need to drink. I'm no longer so disgusted by the thought of it, but it just like a childish waste. In the past six or so years, I drank enough for me to know what that is like, and I shouldn't drink like that again. Of course I will have beer sometime in the future, but I would like to wait until the year passes until I do so, unless if I'm with friends, in which I might have one or two.

I now take Vitamin B supplements and Magnesium in order to recover from the drinking. It is working very well; my memory is relatively sharp and I have more energy now. I still have problems with focus, but I feel that I will have better focus soon. Honestly, I thought that I would never recover, but it seems that I might have had a vitamin deficiency all along. Maybe there is something intrinsically wrong with the way I convert food into energy, because I've always been sluggish in my life, although it was worse when I was doped up in my late teens/early 20s.

I now cook. I use the oven in my apartment, and it is pretty nice. I didn't use it until almost two years after I moved in, because I was paranoid about causing a fire. But I know better now; I like cooking because it makes me feel like I can make my own food and take care of myself.

I've been reading a lot more now; it is almost to the pace that I had before I went off of Olanzapine. I feel more productive and I'm also a lot more focused and motivated to write again. I've started to write a draft on mental imagery and it seems promising, but of course I might stop writing again. I think that I might follow through with it, though, because I'm very passionate about the subject and my mental imagery abilities have improved quite a bit in the past few weeks, so I'll try my best.

I'm smoking again, although not by much. I know I should quit, but I don't smoke anything with artificial chemicals in it, so I should be fine for now. It seems to help with mental imagery somewhat. I'm not too bothered by it because I tend not to be addicted to it unless if I smoke for months, and I usually quit it pretty easily. It doesn't make me want to drink alcohol anymore, either, so that is nice.

My father called me a little less than a week ago, and he's going to turn around and come back home, although he doesn't know when he'll get back. I'm no longer so angry about it, although I don't know what to do if he does come back home. Anything could happen, either way. But I've really enjoyed the quiet of my mind at this point; odd things are going on around here, sure, but I don't have any real personal drama right now. I haven't felt at peace for many years; I'm just not angry anymore right now, no reason to be. I'll save my anger and my mental illness for when something disturbs me directly. Right now, I don't want to disturb the quiet.

My friend is coming back for a day or two, and she's going to give me her TV with a built-in VHS player. That is really cool because I've wanted to obtain a VHS player for a while and now I can. I'll have two TVs by the time I have it, and it will nice to hook up some of my older consoles to it. I don't have a lot of space for it, but I'll make space. It will also be nice to see my friend again; she seems to be happier now.
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April 2017

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