Jan. 27th, 2016

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I haven't used weed in a few days. It was making me emotionally unstable and it was also causing dissociation as well as memory problems, so as such I shouldn't do it again for a while. I don't mind being crazy at all, so long as it is controlled, but most of this crap is purely negative, so as such I need to take a break.

I'm still a little spaced out. I thought that I was getting better, but to be fair, I stayed up late last night in order to hang out with a neighbor out of politeness, so as such that might have something to do with it. I actually got up a little bit before one in the afternoon, which is pretty much unheard of for me to do. It was odd, because it felt like I had been up all day when in reality I have only been up for around eight hours.

Hanging out with my neighbor was...interesting. He's a nice guy, but when I tried to get them to listen to vaporwave, by the second song he said that he didn't like it. He said that it was "too sad". As a result, he showed me videos of punk rock; the music videos were awesome, but I couldn't listen to the lyrics (I have a problem with that) and all of the songs essentially sounded the same. I don't think that it sucks; it just isn't my thing. He told me that he likes it because it makes him happy, and it is like saying "Fuck you" to the world, which it sort of is. His friend showed me videos of Justin Bieber unironically, saying that he was awesome. I have to admit that Justin Bieber is a decent vocalist, but I don't listen to that kind of pop music. Overall, they said that my interests were strange, but they didn't dislike me. Mostly because I know how to pretend to be interested in something when in general I don't want to bother with it. But I suppose that it was good to see that side of life.

I talked to one of my friends from MTSU last week. I found out that he had a heart attack from drinking too much. That kind of shook me up. He is sober now, but he says that he has to learn how to walk again, and he pisses through a catheter. It was odd to find this all out because almost exactly a year ago, I found out that one of my other friends died in a car accident in the middle of 2014. And now this. I really hope that he will be okay; I tried calling him, but he didn't pick up and his inbox was full.

Currently I'm trying to form my own theory of consciousness. I think that I will be able to do it, at least partially. I'm reading some books to help me with my research. Most of my theory was formed from becoming self-aware of the mental changes in my mind while high on weed.

It is just so odd how people think that art imitates life, and vice versa. So many people who think that the music videos of partying and scantly clad women is real life, and as such they live it. I'm attracted to the things that don't usually happen in life, so as such I don't know what is going on when it comes to what others like/want/imitate through pop culture.

I have the feeling that some odd things are going to happen soon. Not bad things, but strange things nonetheless. Yesterday morning, there was hardly anyone on campus; that was bizarre to see. Today was fine, but I have no idea what happened. And someone pointed this out to me, too; it wasn't just a paranoid thought. I just get the feeling that 2016 is going to be a strange year.

August 2017

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