May. 29th, 2016

promeny: (Default)
I'm doing alright. Most of the withdrawal has calmed down or gone away; I still have problems going to sleep, eating enough, and having nausea, though. I can suck in my stomach very well, and my nausea is so bad that I sometimes gag for no reason at all, but for the most part I am not suffering. About a week ago, I gagged in front of a young lady who is a clerk where I like to get my smokes and beer, and both her and another girl laughed. She actually did an impersonation, but when I told her why I was doing that, she felt bad for me.

I can't really drink alcohol too much anymore, and I sure as hell don't want to do any drugs. Partially because I no longer feel the need to, but mostly because it just seems so degenerate and unhealthy. I really need to grow out of doing that stuff. I've said in the past that I have felt like an immature douche for doing that for so long, but this time it has really hit me hard. I have only done drugs twice since I went off of Olanzapine, and they were light doses. I did not really like how they made me feel; it was more like an mediocre distraction than anything else. I can still see why I did that, since drugs used to be the only way for me to feel anything, but now there is just no point to it anymore. I still drink beer, but only two or three of them now. I can't even handle a 40 oz anymore, because it will make me vomit; only weeks ago, I could handle six pints, and now that just seems insane to me. I still can't believe that I used to drink that much every day.

Outside of that, my mind is a bit more scatterbrained, but on the side of the same token, I feel just as intelligent as I used to, if not more so. I'm just less pointed and focused in my thoughts, I suppose, which is sort of bad but at the same time, it can lead to greater creativity. I also have a lot more energy now, which is odd, but welcome. I've been able to actually clean my apartment and rearrange stuff; I vacuumed the floors (that was a first), sorted through my possessions, cleaned my dishes, swiped the floors, cleaned the bathroom, and moved my bed. All in all, I'm very proud of myself for finally taking care of things, although it was never too dirty around here. I might get a desk to put in my bedroom so I can actually use that room; that would be nice.

My memory doesn't seem to be as good as it used to be, but I could be wrong about that. It could very well be because I'm readjusting to my more natural way of thinking.

That is about it, for now. Not really anything else going on.

August 2017

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