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[personal profile] promeny
Things are sort of in a havoc right now.

I just feel emotionally terrorized right now. I simply can't deal with what my father is doing; by the end of the day I just get all tired, depressed, and furious. Hell, I'm practically like that all day. It is of little wonder why I was so messed up about two to three weeks ago.

So I'm trying to deal with it. Right now the only person who really understands is my sister; my father obviously never thinks that he is wrong and my brother has his own issues. I'm sick and tired of all the drama in my life; it looks like I seek it out on my own but to be honest I would much rather be left alone. No wonder why I was using substances a little more liberally last month; I knew of no other way to cope.

Oddly, my roommate has been feeling really tired, too, and we both feel that something bad might happen soon. Maybe not to us, but to the world in general. It is just a feeling that I can't shake. I have a belief that even numbers are signs that something bad is going to happen and I've been seeing them a lot more recently.

Ever since I tripped a week ago, I've been having some really weird dreams. They have been taking a turn for the worse. I rarely have bad dreams so this is both very surprising and very unpleasant. I often wonder if this is a sign.

Other than that, just trying to figure out how not to be a waste of space.
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October 2017

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