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Jan. 10th, 2015 01:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
promenyI tried writing an autobiography from the beginning of this month until about four days ago, but I couldn't do it. It was way too painful; I couldn't find any real substantial good memories or qualities about myself or my life when I was younger. They were almost all bad memories. I wrote it in a truthful, yet negative fashion and while it wasn't so hard to actually write it down, when I was focusing on other things I felt like crying and sometimes even vomiting from remembering all of the stuff in my younger life.
I did discover, though, that I still have a fairly good memory. I thought that my memory was crap, but apparently it is still good; I just focus on the present now.
I did learn one important thing from this, which is to not focus on the past and instead focus on the future. But what future do I have? I mean, I write stuff, but that doesn't mean that I am going to amount to anything. I'm afraid of failure, but the certain failure is to not even try. Still, trying doesn't guarantee a success, or the prevention of a worse failure.
I wasn't able to write very well when trying to write my autobiography. I told my therapist that, and she said that the autobiographical style just isn't what suits me. I would probably have to agree with that; my writing style is generally fairly formal and intellectual.
Outside of that, the university isn't back from vacation yet, but they will be soon. It is odd that they take such a long break; I don't always know how to adjust to that. When my friends were gone for two weeks, I had a hard time dealing with that. I've been reading books to help alleviate the anxiety, which seems to help me keep myself from stagnating.
I'm trying to get on a medication that will help me reduce my drinking, but the psychiatrist has to send information to my insurance, and I think she forgot to do that. I'm really making an effort to reduce that habit.
I did discover, though, that I still have a fairly good memory. I thought that my memory was crap, but apparently it is still good; I just focus on the present now.
I did learn one important thing from this, which is to not focus on the past and instead focus on the future. But what future do I have? I mean, I write stuff, but that doesn't mean that I am going to amount to anything. I'm afraid of failure, but the certain failure is to not even try. Still, trying doesn't guarantee a success, or the prevention of a worse failure.
I wasn't able to write very well when trying to write my autobiography. I told my therapist that, and she said that the autobiographical style just isn't what suits me. I would probably have to agree with that; my writing style is generally fairly formal and intellectual.
Outside of that, the university isn't back from vacation yet, but they will be soon. It is odd that they take such a long break; I don't always know how to adjust to that. When my friends were gone for two weeks, I had a hard time dealing with that. I've been reading books to help alleviate the anxiety, which seems to help me keep myself from stagnating.
I'm trying to get on a medication that will help me reduce my drinking, but the psychiatrist has to send information to my insurance, and I think she forgot to do that. I'm really making an effort to reduce that habit.
