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May. 28th, 2013 09:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
promenyI'm often afraid that I'm not going to amount to anything. Well, do I even try? Maybe not as much as I should, but I still put in some effort.
To be fair, though, my goals have always been somewhat unrealistic. I dreamed too big when I was a little kid when I was only barely remarkable; the only thing that was really exceptional about me was my reading and writing skills. Fortunately that has carried over into my adulthood, although I really don't read even a quarter as much as I should.
I do feel like a loser, though. I'm on SSI and have to be on Medicaid; I highly doubt that I could ever work a 9 to 5 job. That really does make me feel like a piece of refuse. Then again, it wasn't my idea to be on disability, and I did more or less fully support myself for a couple of months with part-time jobs. I know how to survive; I just don't know how to thrive. At the age of 29 and a half I'm fairly behind in some ways, and probably always will.
I haven't given up, though. To give up would only worsen my dark mood. Not that there is anything really wrong with being dark, in fact that is what I prefer, most of the time.
To be fair, though, my goals have always been somewhat unrealistic. I dreamed too big when I was a little kid when I was only barely remarkable; the only thing that was really exceptional about me was my reading and writing skills. Fortunately that has carried over into my adulthood, although I really don't read even a quarter as much as I should.
I do feel like a loser, though. I'm on SSI and have to be on Medicaid; I highly doubt that I could ever work a 9 to 5 job. That really does make me feel like a piece of refuse. Then again, it wasn't my idea to be on disability, and I did more or less fully support myself for a couple of months with part-time jobs. I know how to survive; I just don't know how to thrive. At the age of 29 and a half I'm fairly behind in some ways, and probably always will.
I haven't given up, though. To give up would only worsen my dark mood. Not that there is anything really wrong with being dark, in fact that is what I prefer, most of the time.
