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Jun. 2nd, 2013 11:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
promenyRemember when I said that the only person that I feel close to now is my sister?
Yeah. Fucking forget that.
I had the feeling that something bad was going to happen. I just had no idea that it would mean that I'd basically never want to have anything to do with my sister again.
I thought that she finally became normal. Jesus, was I wrong.
I was talking to her on the phone about my eyesight and I casually brought up that I took a light amount of Nutmeg. During a second call to see if I was alright, she asked if people took it to get high, and I told her that some people do, but I don't.
About right after that she basically just went on a rabid rant about how I was an addict, a psychotic junkie, a liar and an asshole (she thought that I had told her earlier that I wasn't taking substances, which I for the love of God sincerely don't remember). The fact that she basically compared me to my father...well, that was just the cherry on top of the motherfucking sundae.
She said that she was very disappointed in me...over fucking NUTMEG. I'm even more disappointed in her because she basically showed me that I can't even be trusting with and accepted by my own sister. That will teach me to ever get close to anyone again, at least with her.
I seriously felt that she finally no longer had borderline personality disorder. What a mistake. Over the past month or so she was a lot more accepting of me than she was of my father and brother (she doesn't talk to either one of them, now) but now I'm THE BAD GUY, too. Just because I occasionally use legal substances. Seriously, I'm not doing fucking heroin, crack or meth, nor am I permafried.
I am going to stop, though. I'm too emotionally disturbed and anxious to use substances properly, and some weird things are happening to my vision.
My roommate told me that as well, although when I asked him if he thought I was an addict, he said that I definitely wasn't. He was listing all of the substances that I took over the span of two months (mostly herbal supplements), and when he reached about the sixth or seventh substance he just giggled. Apparently I was going a little overboard.
It is true. I have to respect myself, and treat my brain and body accordingly. I'm really not doing that well, to be honest, although it could be a lot worse.
So...I have to look for other ways to fill up my time and interests. Take walks at night, read, write, get into sculpting. I'll figure something out.
Yeah. Fucking forget that.
I had the feeling that something bad was going to happen. I just had no idea that it would mean that I'd basically never want to have anything to do with my sister again.
I thought that she finally became normal. Jesus, was I wrong.
I was talking to her on the phone about my eyesight and I casually brought up that I took a light amount of Nutmeg. During a second call to see if I was alright, she asked if people took it to get high, and I told her that some people do, but I don't.
About right after that she basically just went on a rabid rant about how I was an addict, a psychotic junkie, a liar and an asshole (she thought that I had told her earlier that I wasn't taking substances, which I for the love of God sincerely don't remember). The fact that she basically compared me to my father...well, that was just the cherry on top of the motherfucking sundae.
She said that she was very disappointed in me...over fucking NUTMEG. I'm even more disappointed in her because she basically showed me that I can't even be trusting with and accepted by my own sister. That will teach me to ever get close to anyone again, at least with her.
I seriously felt that she finally no longer had borderline personality disorder. What a mistake. Over the past month or so she was a lot more accepting of me than she was of my father and brother (she doesn't talk to either one of them, now) but now I'm THE BAD GUY, too. Just because I occasionally use legal substances. Seriously, I'm not doing fucking heroin, crack or meth, nor am I permafried.
I am going to stop, though. I'm too emotionally disturbed and anxious to use substances properly, and some weird things are happening to my vision.
My roommate told me that as well, although when I asked him if he thought I was an addict, he said that I definitely wasn't. He was listing all of the substances that I took over the span of two months (mostly herbal supplements), and when he reached about the sixth or seventh substance he just giggled. Apparently I was going a little overboard.
It is true. I have to respect myself, and treat my brain and body accordingly. I'm really not doing that well, to be honest, although it could be a lot worse.
So...I have to look for other ways to fill up my time and interests. Take walks at night, read, write, get into sculpting. I'll figure something out.
