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Jun. 16th, 2013 10:55 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
promenyI've tried to contact my brother the past three days or so, and I can't get ahold of him. I'm pretty worried right now.
There is just so much fear and uneasiness right now. Fear of all the things that could either happen to me or to my family, and uneasiness due to the panic, also known as the "fight-or-flight" mode. I'm just afraid my anger is going to take ahold of me and cause me to explode on someone. I can control it, but not completely.
Things have just seemed so "off" for the past month and a half. I don't know why, but it has. So many things were fucking with my brain; part of that is obviously my fault, but I dare say most of it wasn't. I get the feeling that the bad feelings will eventually come to an end soon, but I don't know if it will be a good ending.
I do have too much time on my hands. This causes me to fixate on my delusions and my hatred for various things. I am trying to be employed again but who knows if that will work out. I've sort of decided that being a layabout on SSI is not what I really want for myself, but right now I really don't see a better way. I should give it a few more months until I truly decide what I want to do.
I should write more. Partially my fault for being lazy, but I honestly have a lot to worry about.
There is just so much fear and uneasiness right now. Fear of all the things that could either happen to me or to my family, and uneasiness due to the panic, also known as the "fight-or-flight" mode. I'm just afraid my anger is going to take ahold of me and cause me to explode on someone. I can control it, but not completely.
Things have just seemed so "off" for the past month and a half. I don't know why, but it has. So many things were fucking with my brain; part of that is obviously my fault, but I dare say most of it wasn't. I get the feeling that the bad feelings will eventually come to an end soon, but I don't know if it will be a good ending.
I do have too much time on my hands. This causes me to fixate on my delusions and my hatred for various things. I am trying to be employed again but who knows if that will work out. I've sort of decided that being a layabout on SSI is not what I really want for myself, but right now I really don't see a better way. I should give it a few more months until I truly decide what I want to do.
I should write more. Partially my fault for being lazy, but I honestly have a lot to worry about.
