(no subject)

We got internet back! That means that I get to access it whenever I want to, pretty much.

I don't know how to feel about that. On one hand, it will make things less boring at the apartment, but on the other, not having it prompted me to actually go outside, and read, make games, and write. Of course I will continue to do those things, however I probably won't for a while due to the distraction that the internet will provide. While I am glad that it is back, I sort of appreciated the times I had without it.

I was really angry this morning, and had a headache. I was getting into my delusions, but when I saw the therapist today, I was able to talk about them, and told her that I felt horrible. It all stemmed from the fact that I desire to be appreciated and loved, and I've been rejected by both my family and society in general. There is no way to fix that, but since I know what is causing those ugly thoughts and feelings, it will be easier to deal with.

I mentioned the Zoroastrian belief of the afterlife to her, about how if you have lived a life with pure thoughts, you meet an angel on a bridge, but if you have ugly thoughts, you meet a hag that throws you off of the bridge, down into hell. She said that everyone would meet the hag, so that makes me feel better.

So I'm better now. I really don't think that I will be in a bad place for a while, or at least I hope not.