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Jul. 3rd, 2013 09:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
promenyLast night was the last night that I'm going to have beer for a while. It was nice, but I need to stop drinking so much. At least now I have a distraction.
I saw a home video of myself when I was 16; I had recently came from Outward Bound (fun fact: I was the only one of the group who trained and I was still the weakest). Surprisingly, I had the same voice and manner of talking as I do now, more or less. But even more amazingly was that I really looked and acted pretty normal; I didn't act like I had Asperger's or anything. I don't have it of course, and after I was misdiagnosed with it just a couple of months after that video I started regressing and my behavior and voice got all weird. It wasn't until I was about 24 when I even became halfway normal again.
I don't forgive my parents for what they did to me. I wasn't struggling, I wasn't causing trouble, and I wasn't socially challenged. I was just awkward. I think that they did it because they often exaggerated things and made mountains out of molehills; that is, they wanted me to have problems. Plus, they were completely unwilling to deal with their own fucked-up personal issues, so they just pinned it all on me; they made me into a scapegoat. Not to mention that they could see psychotic symptoms in me (Schizophrenia runs in the family) and instead of tackling it directly they just covered it up with a bullshit "AUTISM" label in order to save face.
My teenage years are a gap in my memory. Probably because it is too painful to think back to then. I could have been normal, but my parents decided to treat me like a retarded baby and as such I eventually acted like it. I often think of what could have been; I used to believe that it guided me on a greater path but now I think that it destroyed my chances of ever having a normal, well-adjusted life.
All that I know is that it wasn't my fault. But that only offers small comfort. Seriously, how many people truly have a form of autism? Most people who are diagnosed (or worse, self-diagnosed), are not.
I saw a home video of myself when I was 16; I had recently came from Outward Bound (fun fact: I was the only one of the group who trained and I was still the weakest). Surprisingly, I had the same voice and manner of talking as I do now, more or less. But even more amazingly was that I really looked and acted pretty normal; I didn't act like I had Asperger's or anything. I don't have it of course, and after I was misdiagnosed with it just a couple of months after that video I started regressing and my behavior and voice got all weird. It wasn't until I was about 24 when I even became halfway normal again.
I don't forgive my parents for what they did to me. I wasn't struggling, I wasn't causing trouble, and I wasn't socially challenged. I was just awkward. I think that they did it because they often exaggerated things and made mountains out of molehills; that is, they wanted me to have problems. Plus, they were completely unwilling to deal with their own fucked-up personal issues, so they just pinned it all on me; they made me into a scapegoat. Not to mention that they could see psychotic symptoms in me (Schizophrenia runs in the family) and instead of tackling it directly they just covered it up with a bullshit "AUTISM" label in order to save face.
My teenage years are a gap in my memory. Probably because it is too painful to think back to then. I could have been normal, but my parents decided to treat me like a retarded baby and as such I eventually acted like it. I often think of what could have been; I used to believe that it guided me on a greater path but now I think that it destroyed my chances of ever having a normal, well-adjusted life.
All that I know is that it wasn't my fault. But that only offers small comfort. Seriously, how many people truly have a form of autism? Most people who are diagnosed (or worse, self-diagnosed), are not.
