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Aug. 8th, 2013 11:17 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
promenyI have this crushing anxiety in the evenings now. I really don't know why that is, outside of probably the after-effects from drinking that wine. I really hate it; the first time I had it two days ago I was afraid of hurting either myself or others. I didn't used to have any of these problems so I really don't know why it is fucking with me now.
All I know is that I feel better after taking Olanzapine and smoking a second cigar. I really hate having to take medication because of how it fucks with my body and brain. I'm too tired all the time, I feel dull, and I'm not losing weight. Although it should be said that I do think more logically than I used to. I just don't like feeling like this.
I've lost my passion. My poems suck now and I can barely read philosophy. I just feel so down. I'm not going to hurt myself because I still want to see what the future can offer, but nonetheless I'm just depressed. There are short-term solutions for that, but seriously, what is really going for me in this life? What am I ever going to accomplish? I can't help but to feel like I'm a piece of refuse.
All I know is that I feel better after taking Olanzapine and smoking a second cigar. I really hate having to take medication because of how it fucks with my body and brain. I'm too tired all the time, I feel dull, and I'm not losing weight. Although it should be said that I do think more logically than I used to. I just don't like feeling like this.
I've lost my passion. My poems suck now and I can barely read philosophy. I just feel so down. I'm not going to hurt myself because I still want to see what the future can offer, but nonetheless I'm just depressed. There are short-term solutions for that, but seriously, what is really going for me in this life? What am I ever going to accomplish? I can't help but to feel like I'm a piece of refuse.
