(no subject)
Sep. 23rd, 2013 11:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
promenyNothing really going on today. It got really grey and cold since yesterday, though. Pretty strange. I had to add an extra blanket.
I went to a website of this 41-year-old physics teacher who had a crush on a 17-year-old girl. Apparently he got in trouble and killed himself over it. The website was full of angst-ridden stuff you'd expect from a teenager; really pathetic to see from a middle-aged man.
It would be really sad if it wasn't fucking hilarious.
I may never know love, just like that one guy didn't. But I don't care; women can ruin things. My life would probably be a lot worse in a relationship than without one; I need my freedom and personal space. It took me a couple of years of hard pain to deal with the fact that I will likely die alone, but when I realized that it is far more of a blessing than a curse, I felt like a huge weight was lifted from my tortured ego. I'm not mad, or sad about it. I'm better off.
Admittedly I still become angry that I'll never know what it is like from an intellectual standpoint (you know, just for the experience), but that feeling quickly fizzles.
I sometimes wonder if I have become a sociopath. I have mixed evidence for that. I'm probably just really callous and morbid more than anything.
Well anyway my life is going well and I really don't need a relationship at all, so I'm not angry and it is pointless to dwell on it.
I went to a website of this 41-year-old physics teacher who had a crush on a 17-year-old girl. Apparently he got in trouble and killed himself over it. The website was full of angst-ridden stuff you'd expect from a teenager; really pathetic to see from a middle-aged man.
It would be really sad if it wasn't fucking hilarious.
I may never know love, just like that one guy didn't. But I don't care; women can ruin things. My life would probably be a lot worse in a relationship than without one; I need my freedom and personal space. It took me a couple of years of hard pain to deal with the fact that I will likely die alone, but when I realized that it is far more of a blessing than a curse, I felt like a huge weight was lifted from my tortured ego. I'm not mad, or sad about it. I'm better off.
Admittedly I still become angry that I'll never know what it is like from an intellectual standpoint (you know, just for the experience), but that feeling quickly fizzles.
I sometimes wonder if I have become a sociopath. I have mixed evidence for that. I'm probably just really callous and morbid more than anything.
Well anyway my life is going well and I really don't need a relationship at all, so I'm not angry and it is pointless to dwell on it.
