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[personal profile] promeny
I'm just so angry right now.

I'm suffering. I can barely think straight and I'm filled with panic, fear and anxiety. I have the morbid fear that I'm going to have a heart attack; I constantly feel pains in my chest. I constantly feel like screaming and crying, laying in a fetal position on the floor. I'm filled with agitation, having the fear that I'm going to go crazy soon and hurt someone. I constantly shake, with tremors in my hands and I occasionally feel the need to vomit. I can barely eat.

Why am I suffering? Why did just one dose of Sudafed permanently fuck me up like this? None of the substances that I did for recreational purposes ever fucked me up even half as bad as this. I don't understand how just one pill that I innocently took could seemingly ruin my life, or at least seriously hinder it.

I'm almost entirely anti-drug now. Not only recreational substances, but also the legitimate medications, too. I have a fragile brain and I can't break it.

The ER can't help me. The psych ward can't help me. Alcohol can't help me. The few friends and professionals that I see usually aren't around.

I need help. I know that. But I don't know what to do.
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October 2017

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