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Mar. 18th, 2014 05:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
promenyI saw my therapist today, and she told me one very important thing: that emotions do not dictate reality, or who or what you really are.
On the onset, that is obvious. Most people would just say "Duh..." to that. But in all seriousness, most people really don't think about what that actually means. And for good reason, because emotions by and large dictate our personal, public image, demeanor, as well as what we like to think about and what we decide to value and choose to do.
But just because you have an emotional reason for why you feel the way you do, or act the way you do, doesn't at all mean that is how it actually is. How many people have wonderful lives, and yet feel like shit for absolutely no reason whatsoever? Quite a few. And then there are those who have horrible lives and yet for some reason or another aren't quite as miserable as you would think. Not too many of them, but they do exist.
Just because I feel like something, doesn't mean that I am that something. I really should have known better by this point, but all throughout my life, emotions of both myself and others guided my development towards a warped end. An emotion, however, does not always correspond to how your life really is. I have a good life where I can do whatever I want, and yet I'm haunted by so many different things. Intellectually I know that emotions and passions lead you nowhere, but I didn't know how to take control of my mind, partially due to my mental illness and mostly because my life was pretty much never any different.
This all started a little while ago when I thought my dad was a creep. But then it occurred to me that he wasn't; he was just emotionally disturbed. When I focused on myself, I realized that I was the one who felt like a creep. And yes, some people would consider me as such. But quite a few wouldn't, and just because I felt that way, doesn't mean that I am.
Just...I don't know. I've learned so much during this past week or so that my mind hurts. Not to mention that I've been totally off-base since there has been more light in the day; I must have the opposite of Seasonal Affective Disorder. But I'll find a way to survive the lows.
On the onset, that is obvious. Most people would just say "Duh..." to that. But in all seriousness, most people really don't think about what that actually means. And for good reason, because emotions by and large dictate our personal, public image, demeanor, as well as what we like to think about and what we decide to value and choose to do.
But just because you have an emotional reason for why you feel the way you do, or act the way you do, doesn't at all mean that is how it actually is. How many people have wonderful lives, and yet feel like shit for absolutely no reason whatsoever? Quite a few. And then there are those who have horrible lives and yet for some reason or another aren't quite as miserable as you would think. Not too many of them, but they do exist.
Just because I feel like something, doesn't mean that I am that something. I really should have known better by this point, but all throughout my life, emotions of both myself and others guided my development towards a warped end. An emotion, however, does not always correspond to how your life really is. I have a good life where I can do whatever I want, and yet I'm haunted by so many different things. Intellectually I know that emotions and passions lead you nowhere, but I didn't know how to take control of my mind, partially due to my mental illness and mostly because my life was pretty much never any different.
This all started a little while ago when I thought my dad was a creep. But then it occurred to me that he wasn't; he was just emotionally disturbed. When I focused on myself, I realized that I was the one who felt like a creep. And yes, some people would consider me as such. But quite a few wouldn't, and just because I felt that way, doesn't mean that I am.
Just...I don't know. I've learned so much during this past week or so that my mind hurts. Not to mention that I've been totally off-base since there has been more light in the day; I must have the opposite of Seasonal Affective Disorder. But I'll find a way to survive the lows.
